For 35 weeks Bean has been growing and growing. Since day one my doctor has talked about the fact that our baby is bigger than "normal." And it's true. We are having a big boy. As of yesterday, the doctor's guess was that he is about 6.7 pounds. He joked with me at 28 weeks that if Luke kept growing like this then he would be a 10 pound baby. But that was it. Just the mention of how big he could get and some laughs from me, the doctor, and the nurses.
However, at yesterday's appointment, no one was laughing. Luke is fine and healthy. The doctor told us his estimates about weight and length. After that, he took a more serious, slightly threatening tone. He told us that he is concerned that our baby will be too large and that he won't fit through my pelvis. He then went on a tangent about how we need to induce him by 37 weeks (that's August 25) or I will have to have a C-section.
There have been few times where I have felt the life completely sucked out of me, but as he said that I deflated like a balloon losing air. I couldn't look at Kevin. I couldn't even object to what he was saying because I knew that I would burst into tears with the first attempt at speaking.
Since the moment I found out I was pregnant, I have been researching and researching about fetal development, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and all other things baby. I have read Your Pregnancy and Birth, The Birth Partner, What to Expect When You Are Expecting, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, Ready Steady Baby, Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding, and gobs of blogs. I have also watched several documentaries and countless videos on every type of delivery. I did not do all this research to be a know-it-all or to be opinionated. I have been researching because simply put, I live in Japan. I do not understand 85% of what my doctor is trying to communicate to me, and the other 15% is what I think I understand but have been wrong about before. Here is an example (boys you may want to stop reading). At 16 weeks pregnant I had a vaginal exam. While I was in stirrups with my pants off and my lady parts available for all to gaze at, my doctor started talking to me about concerns he had with foods. He started asking me questions about foods, to which I happily explained to him that I was eating all kinds of fruits and vegetables, especially oranges and brussels sprouts (a few of my cravings). He immediately stopped asking questions which I was thrilled about since he was staring at my goods during this conversation. A little later, the one nurse I have found that speaks English approached me to clarify that the doctor was talking to me about fluids, vaginal fluids, not foods. He was a bit confused as to why I was I talking about oranges and brussels sprouts when he was asking me about the color of my discharge. Anyway, just an example of how easily I misunderstand my doctor.
I research because I want to make the best decisions for baby and myself. I do not understand how labor and delivery will work at my hospital. I want to make sure that I understand how my body works and how I was created before I go into labor in a place where I cannot understand hardly anything (the Japanese hospital). In all my research, this is the conclusion I have come to... my body is creatively and wonderfully designed to have a baby, even a 10 pounder, without medical interventions. I understand that emergencies happen and that in those moments c-sections and other medical interventions may be necessary; however, it is my belief that it is for those cases... emergencies.
My problem with my doctor right now is that I am not an emergency. Luke and I haven't even been given the chance to let our bodies do what they are capable of doing. My pregnancy went from natural to an illness in a matter of moments.
We left the hospital yesterday, and I went on a long walk to talk with God about this situation. My doctor thinks that baby is too big and that my pelvic bones were not made to let him through. My doctor is used to 5'2 women who weigh 100 pounds at the start of pregnancy and give birth to babies that average less than 6 pounds at birth. My doctor thinks that we need to speed up a process that God designed and is perfectly natural. My doctor thinks my body is defected and will need surgery in order to deliver this baby if he gets much bigger. I think I would trust my doctor's opinion a little more if he at least gave us a chance at the natural way. So as it stands right now, we can go into labor naturally by August 24, or be induced on August 25 because the baby will get too big, or wait for labor to start naturally but then have to deal with a doctor who is pushy with c-sections and will think it's medically necessary the moment I go into labor.
All that to say that Kevin and I are daily (for me sometimes hourly) surrendering this at His feet. Sometimes I think I know what to pray for and other times I cannot help but to just be still. God is bigger than my doctor, He's bigger than my pregnancy and baby, and He is bigger than me. I do not pretend to understand His ways all the time, but I will rest in them because I know He is a good God who cares. We will continue to seek Him for wisdom and discernment to either accept what the doctor is saying or to go against the doctor's judgment.
On Friday, we are meeting with an American doula who speaks Japanese. She is very educated in childbirth and in the Japanese way of things. We have no doubt that God is sending her to us as a help in this time.
We are also looking at other alternatives (i.e. other hospitals) which have a whole other slew of issues that I won't even begin to write about now.
We covet your prayers.
We'll keep you updated.
It's go time Bean!
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