Forgive my lack of enthusiasm in this post. I am worn out. My face, chest, and hands are being bombarded with hives. I think I have a milk allergy. I am in the beginning stages of changing my diet and cleansing my body of milk. Honestly though, at 30 weeks pregnant all I can think about is getting cozy in my new glider with a massive bowl of ice cream.
The last several weeks have been long with no clear beginning and no immediate end. Kev declared yesterday to be "Date Day". I woke up to french toast and came home to a clean house filled with the aroma of beautiful roses which was then followed by a delicious dinner at a quaint little Italian restaurant down the street. It was simply perfect and everything my heart needed. I am blessed with the best husband!
I had a doctors appointment this week and found out some unpleasant news. I had asked my doctor a while back if Kevin is allowed to be at and involved with the delivery of our baby. Many hospitals in Japan do not allow fathers in the delivery room; however, our hospital does, and our doctor was eager to inform us of this. That being said, a couple weeks ago I found out that there are actually 3 different rooms I will be in during my stay at the hospital: one for labor, one for delivery, and one for recovery. Kevin is only allowed in the delivery room. This made my heart sink. I have not been preparing to labor on my own. I have imagined all of this with Kevin by my side, coaching me through it. I have not been able to attend any birthing classes because most are offered on Saturdays, and I have had to work. They are also all in Japanese which presents another problem.
All of that to say, I have been extremely discouraged most of this week. I had been thinking all this time that Kev would be my filter and wall throughout labor. He would decipher the Japanese that was being said, and he would be the one handling cultural sensitivities leaving me free to labor. I am a fairly strong-willed person, so one of the aspects of labor that has been scaring me recently is the thought that at some point I might get discouraged and want to give-up (I know it's labor and there is no turning back... I am referring to the doubts and thoughts that "I can't do this.") Being strong-willed means that those thoughts and words have rarely, if ever, crossed my mind or slipped out of my mouth. I have been relying on the fact that if that moment comes, Kev will be there to encourage me and to remind that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I'm brought to tears at the realization that he probably won't be by my side when and if that happens.
There are 2 other options that the hospital presented us. 1) We can pay extra for a private room which is OOBER expensive (especially because I have to stay in the hospital for 7 days) but would allow Kevin to be present the entire time, or 2) we can hope to get a private room just for the first 24 hours and then switch to the shared room (in a previous post I mentioned that I will be rooming with 3 other women after delivery... this is the Japan way). The doctor warned me though that the second option is not very likely because there are only 7 private rooms and priority goes to those who have already agreed to pay for the private room for the full 7 days.
After countless discussions with Kev and lots of time praying, I think we are going to go with the second option. I know some won't agree with what I am about to say. The realization is that my struggle with this stems mostly from the fact that I am American. This is not the American way. It's not what has been ingrained in me. If I would have grown up in Japan, this would not be a big deal but would simply be reality. I am not Japanese though and that is why I continue to struggle with this decision. At the end of the day, I have to remember that my hope and strength come from the Lord. We are hoping for the best. We are praying that Kev will be able to be there, but we are resting in knowing that if he can't, I will still not be alone. We would greatly appreciate your prayers about this. We would obviously love to be blessed with a private room for 24 hours, but if that doesn't happen please pray that I would have scripture stored in my heart. Pray that God would give Kev peace as he waits for word on Luke and I. Pray that we would continue to trust in God and not in our circumstances.
In other, more exciting, news, Luke is healthy and active. He's about 3.5 pounds and laying head down. The doctor said his length is twice that of a Japanese baby. We have been able to feel and watch his hands and feet push across my belly. All my tests have come back with good results. So that about sums up life as of late...
