inductions, c-sections, and a healthy baby... oh my...

For 35 weeks Bean has been growing and growing.  Since day one my doctor has talked about the fact that our baby is bigger than "normal." And it's true.  We are having a big boy.  As of yesterday, the doctor's guess was that he is about 6.7 pounds.  He joked with me at 28 weeks that if Luke kept growing like this then he would be a 10 pound baby.  But that was it.  Just the mention of how big he could get and some laughs from me, the doctor, and the nurses.

However, at yesterday's appointment, no one was laughing.  Luke is fine and healthy.  The doctor told us his estimates about weight and length.  After that, he took a more serious, slightly threatening tone.  He told us that he is concerned that our baby will be too large and that he won't fit through my pelvis.  He then went on a tangent about how we need to induce him by 37 weeks (that's August 25) or I will have to have a C-section.

There have been few times where I have felt the life completely sucked out of me, but as he said that I deflated like a balloon losing air.  I couldn't look at Kevin.  I couldn't even object to what he was saying because I knew that I would burst into tears with the first attempt at speaking.

Since the moment I found out I was pregnant, I have been researching and researching about fetal development, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and all other things baby.  I have read Your Pregnancy and Birth, The Birth Partner, What to Expect When You Are Expecting, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, Ready Steady Baby, Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth,  Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding, and gobs of blogs.  I have also watched several documentaries and countless videos on every type of delivery. I did not do all this research to be a know-it-all or to be opinionated.  I have been researching because simply put, I live in Japan.  I do not understand 85% of what my doctor is trying to communicate to me, and the other 15% is what I think I understand but have been wrong about before.  Here is an example (boys you may want to stop reading).  At 16 weeks pregnant I had a vaginal exam.  While I was in stirrups with my pants off and my lady parts available for all to gaze at, my doctor started talking to me about concerns he had with foods.  He started asking me questions about foods, to which I happily explained to him that I was eating all kinds of fruits and vegetables, especially oranges and brussels sprouts (a few of my cravings).  He immediately stopped asking questions which I was thrilled about since he was staring at my goods during this conversation.  A little later, the one nurse I have found that speaks English approached me to clarify that the doctor was talking to me about fluids, vaginal fluids, not foods. He was a bit confused as to why I was I talking about oranges and brussels sprouts when he was asking me about the color of my discharge.  Anyway, just an example of how easily I misunderstand my doctor.

I research because I want to make the best decisions for baby and myself. I do not understand how labor and delivery will work at my hospital.  I want to make sure that I understand how my body works and how I was created before I go into labor in a place where I cannot understand hardly anything (the Japanese hospital).  In all my research, this is the conclusion I have come to... my body is creatively and wonderfully designed to have a baby, even a 10 pounder, without medical interventions.  I understand that emergencies happen and that in those moments c-sections and other medical interventions may be necessary; however, it is my belief that it is for those cases... emergencies.

My problem with my doctor right now is that I am not an emergency.  Luke and I haven't even been given the chance to let our bodies do what they are capable of doing.  My pregnancy went from natural to an illness in a matter of moments.

We left the hospital yesterday, and I went on a long walk to talk with God about this situation.  My doctor thinks that baby is too big and that my pelvic bones were not made to let him through.  My doctor is used to 5'2 women who weigh 100 pounds at the start of pregnancy and give birth to babies that average less than 6 pounds at birth.  My doctor thinks that we need to speed up a process that God designed and is perfectly natural.  My doctor thinks my body is defected and will need surgery in order to deliver this baby if he gets much bigger.  I think I would trust my doctor's opinion a little more if he at least gave us a chance at the natural way.  So as it stands right now, we can go into labor naturally by August 24, or be induced on August 25 because the baby will get too big, or wait for labor to start naturally but then have to deal with a doctor who is pushy with c-sections and will think it's medically necessary the moment I go into labor.

All that to say that Kevin and I are daily (for me sometimes hourly) surrendering this at His feet.  Sometimes I think I know what to pray for and other times I cannot help but to just be still.  God is bigger than my doctor, He's bigger than my pregnancy and baby, and He is bigger than me.  I do not pretend to understand His ways all the time, but I will rest in them because I know He is a good God who cares.  We will continue to seek Him for wisdom and discernment to either accept what the doctor is saying or to go against the doctor's judgment.

On Friday, we are meeting with an American doula who speaks Japanese.  She is very educated in childbirth and in the Japanese way of things.  We have no doubt that God is sending her to us as a help in this time.

We are also looking at other alternatives (i.e. other hospitals) which have a whole other slew of issues that I won't even begin to write about now.

We covet your prayers.

We'll keep you updated.

It's go time Bean!

As of late...

Forgive my lack of enthusiasm in this post.  I am worn out.  My face, chest, and hands are being bombarded with hives.  I think I have a milk allergy.  I am in the beginning stages of changing my diet and cleansing my body of milk.  Honestly though, at 30 weeks pregnant all I can think about is getting cozy in my new glider with a massive bowl of ice cream.

The last several weeks have been long with no clear beginning and no immediate end.  Kev declared yesterday to be "Date Day".  I woke up to french toast and came home to a clean house filled with the aroma of beautiful roses which was then followed by a delicious dinner at a quaint little Italian restaurant down the street.  It was simply perfect and everything my heart needed.  I am blessed with the best husband!

I had a doctors appointment this week and found out some unpleasant news.  I had asked my doctor a while back if Kevin is allowed to be at and involved with the delivery of our baby.  Many hospitals in Japan do not allow fathers in the delivery room; however, our hospital does, and our doctor was eager to inform us of this.  That being said, a couple weeks ago I found out that there are actually 3 different rooms I will be in during my stay at the hospital: one for labor, one for delivery, and one for recovery.  Kevin is only allowed in the delivery room.  This made my heart sink.  I have not been preparing to labor on my own.  I have imagined all of this with Kevin by my side, coaching me through it.  I have not been able to attend any birthing classes because most are offered on Saturdays, and I have had to work.  They are also all in Japanese which presents another problem.

All of that to say, I have been extremely discouraged most of this week.  I had been thinking all this time that Kev would be my filter and wall throughout labor.  He would decipher the Japanese that was being said, and he would be the one handling cultural sensitivities leaving me free to labor.  I am a fairly strong-willed person, so one of the aspects of labor that has been scaring me recently is the thought that at some point I might get discouraged and want to give-up (I know it's labor and there is no turning back... I am referring to the doubts and thoughts that "I can't do this.")  Being strong-willed means that those thoughts and words have rarely, if ever, crossed my mind or slipped out of my mouth.  I have been relying on the fact that if that moment comes, Kev will be there to encourage me and to remind that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  I'm brought to tears at the realization that he probably won't be by my side when and if that happens.

There are 2 other options that the hospital presented us. 1) We can pay extra for a private room which is OOBER expensive (especially because I have to stay in the hospital for 7 days) but would allow Kevin to be present the entire time, or 2) we can hope to get a private room just for the first 24 hours and then switch to the shared room (in a previous post I mentioned that I will be rooming with 3 other women after delivery... this is the Japan way).  The doctor warned me though that the second option is not very likely because there are only 7 private rooms and priority goes to those who have already agreed to pay for the private room for the full 7 days.

After countless discussions with Kev and lots of time praying, I think we are going to go with the second option.  I know some won't agree with what I am about to say.  The realization is that my struggle with this stems mostly from the fact that I am American.  This is not the American way.  It's not what has been ingrained in me.  If I would have grown up in Japan, this would not be a big deal but would simply be reality.  I am not Japanese though and that is why I continue to struggle with this decision.  At the end of the day, I have to remember that my hope and strength come from the Lord.  We are hoping for the best.  We are praying that Kev will be able to be there, but we are resting in knowing that if he can't, I will still not be alone.  We would greatly appreciate your prayers about this. We would obviously love to be blessed with a private room for 24 hours, but if that doesn't happen please pray that I would have scripture stored in my heart.  Pray that God would give Kev peace as he waits for word on Luke and I.  Pray that we would continue to trust in God and not in our circumstances.

In other, more exciting, news, Luke is healthy and active.  He's about 3.5 pounds and laying head down.  The doctor said his length is twice that of a Japanese baby.  We have been able to feel and watch his hands and feet push across my belly. All my tests have come back with good results.  So that about sums up life as of late...

Phasing Out

I remember, several years ago, sitting down with my small group and choosing an adjective to describe each member.  When it was my turn for them to describe me, the consensus was “passionate.” I have ALWAYS hated that word. In my mind there is a negative connotation with it.  But, that is what they chose, and I have to admit it’s true.  If you know me at all, it is extremely uncharacteristic of me to do anything in life half-hearted. That includes teaching.

I have been a teacher for 6 years.  6, very devoted, crazy with passion, years of education.  And, that time is now coming to an end… I think.  July 19^th marks my last day as a professional teacher.  I will be transitioning into the role of a stay-at-home-super-momma.  Being the passionate person that I am, you’d think my heart would be super uneasy about this decision.  However, I find it to be quite the opposite.  I’m relieved.

Please don’t misunderstand. I have loved being a teacher.  Even when there were painful tears involved, I have still loved being a teacher.  Reminiscing about my students brings absolute joy to my heart.  They have made all the red-tape and cranky parents worth it.  Even still, the one adjective that comes to mind when I think about this chapter of my life closing is relieved.

I know some won’t understand this and others won’t agree, but it seems like throughout the last several years of my life, my heart has been longing to be a wife and mother.  That desire has been making this transition easier.  I have been working since I was 12.  The thought of not having an income is just weird.  But I am convinced, with all my being, staying at home and building my house is where God wants me.  Proverbs 14:1 says, “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears it down.”  I am excited about the passion that is stirring within me to build this house.  I am giddy, yes giddy, about pouring all I am into being a wife and mother.  This is the best way I know how to serve, honor, and glorify God, who has been so graciously showering me with blessings.

I feel like I have made good use of the time I was single.  It was never a guarantee that I would get married and I was NOT about to just sit around and wait for that to happen.  I graduated from high school (which if you knew me back then, you would understand just how big of a miracle that actually is). I got a bachelor’s degree. I got a master’s degree. I went on missions trips to countries in Africa, to Haiti, to Ecuador, and now to Japan.  I traveled to Costa Rica, to Canada (BC and the Yukon people…. They’re friggin’ beautiful!), to Mexico, and to Thailand (yes, I know I was married for two of those, but still!)  I moved over 2000 miles away from my family and friends to start teaching.  I have traveled all over the US, including Alaska and Hawaii, and I’m not done yet!  My life has been greatly blessed.  And this next chapter is just a blessing beyond words.

I’m not sure how to close this post without repeating what I have already said.  I am relieved.  I am blessed.  I am giddy.

well that's different....

I think the beauty of having your first pregnancy in a foreign country is that you don't really have anything to compare it with.  I am a bit on the obsessive side with learning about lil' bean, but it's not in a so-I-can-control-every-last-detail sort of way.  I LOVE researching child development.  I find it absolutely fascinating!  When I was in college, I actually switched my major to education after taking a Child Development class because I was so intrigued with cognitive development in young minds.  All that to say I have been reading and researching like WHOA!  Another reason behind my madness in reading book after book on pregnancy, labor and delivery, and child development is because I know once I get in the delivery room, I probably will not have the slightest clue what is going on.  The main reason - I can't speak Japanese.  I have learned conversational Japanese, but medical terms.... riiiiight!

Well anyway, in all my reading, what I am finding out is that pregnancy in Japan is quite different.  So here is where my research and doctor visits have led me:

1) My doctors expect me to gain 8 kg... yes people that would be just over 17 pounds.  At the most, he would like to see 10 kg (22 pounds).  I am also warned that I will be getting several lectures about my weight if I go over... yippee!

2) They encourage pregnant women to eat sushi here.  The vinegar in the rice soothes the stomach and the fish is really good protein.  They do advice against high mercury fish, which would be the deep water fish (aka the kind that usually grosses me out).  Another note on this: while I know most Americans don't agree with this, the Japanese women typically do not take any prenatal supplements (including Omega-3) because they get an adequate amount of vitamins from their food.

3) I will not be getting an epidural.  Regardless of my opinion on it, my hospital simply does not offer it.

4) I get an ultrasound with nearly every doctor visit.  I think in the States, the standard is 2 per pregnancy.

5) Health Insurance does not cover pregnancy or labor and delivery.  However, you do get a large chunk reimbursed to you after the birth from the Government.  I also have vouchers that cover the majority of my doctor visits.

6) I have to stay in the hospital for 7 days after delivery!  7 days folks!  They are serious about women having time to recover and they make it happen... dang!

7) For those 7 days, I will be rooming with 3 other ladies who just gave birth.  They are very strict on noise control, so if I want to do anything that involves noise, I have to have ear phones.... oh and no computers allowed.  We do have the option of getting a private room, but that is an additional $1500 we have to fork up that will not be reimbursed.

8) Speaking of noise control, I am expect to keep a zipped lip during labor.  I have heard this hospital isn't super strict on this, but they do expect me to NOT be screaming.

9) I have to quite my gym and I am told to do very little exercise if any.  Now this is one area I don't agree with, so I am anticipating the crazy stare-downs I get when my belly is showing and I am out on a light jog.

10) My school is already making me sit in chapel.  Usually we stand for the 20 minutes every morning, but not this girl.  I have my very own seat in the back and I have been told three times now that I really should be taking a blanket with me to keep the baby warm.

11) Japanese babies typically sleep on an infant futon on the floor.  Now while I won't be doing this with my baby, I do have to say it puts my heart at ease about not getting a crib.  A crib is something most mommas dream about decorating the baby room around (at least this soon-to-be-momma does).  But, we live in a tiny studio.  The baby will not have their own room and we have NO SPACE for a crib.

There is a much greater list that include things that only mommies want to read about.  Things like episiotomies, baby rooming-in, and breast feeding.  For now though, I will just keep it at this.

Again I have to emphasize that I am thankful I have never given birth in another country yet because I really have nothing to compare this to except for what I have heard.  This is going to be different and uncomfortable at times.  It's also going to be an amazing growing experience.  I am excited to give birth in Japan... even if it seems forever away.  I am thankful that I am in a country that really values pregnant women and insists on protecting them and baby (even if it seems like overprotection at times).

Overjoyed

Oh 2013.  You are already off to a great start! But before we dig into that, let me back up a bit and explain a lil' about 2012.

In November, my principal pulled me into a meeting.  This meeting would be the first of what I like to call, "Meeting Marathon." The first meeting went something like this... "Stephanie we really like you and want to keep you at our school.  That being said, since you got married and could potentially have a baby, we cannot rehire you in August." My pride, my stubbornness, and my Americanism wanted to scream, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"  You cannot refuse to hire someone because they have a uterus.  Everything in me wanted to be angry, and I was for about a day or two.  But then I remembered why I came to Japan.

I was hired to be a missionary here.  I was hired to tell my girls about Jesus.  Yes, I can be angry about this, but it's important that I respond in love and handle this situation with love. For the rest of November and all of December, I got pulled into meeting after meeting about the situation.  The school could not risk giving me a normal contract again because it would be really difficult for them to find a replacement if I got pregnant.  They were trying to figure out how to keep me as long possible, but also have an English teacher in the evident that Baby Strehlow enters the world.  This part I understood a bit more.  They really do need to ensure that our students are getting and will continue to get a good education.  I cannot fault them for thinking about our students.  In fact, it makes me happy that they do. 

Anyway, at the end of December my principal called me in for a meeting and basically said, "Ok we either need to hear you say you will not get pregnant, or we need to know when you will so that we can prepare for it."  He even laughed when he talked about it because he knew how ridiculous that sounded.  I just laughed too.  Kevin and I agreed that we would not tell my school either of those options.  I just told him that I will work at my school as long as my school will let me, but I cannot guarantee I won't get pregnant and I surely cannot tell when that will happen.

Before Christmas, it was decided that I would seek employment through an agency that hires English teachers in Japan.  My school would then hire me through that agency and then if I do get pregnant, they will be able to find a relatively quick replacement.  

So we left for Thailand and spent the remainder of 2012 underwater getting our Scuba Certifications.

We got back to Japan on January 1st.  The agency was calling me to set up interviews and e-mailing about applications.... and then.... we found out...

I'M PREGNANT!

(Yes, Kendon, I lied to you and I am so sorry and it really tore me up to do that)

Crazy huh?  I am only 5 weeks pregnant, which I know is oober early to tell people.  However, we ended up having to tell a couple people in Japan because of a thousand different reasons that I will spare you of.  We just didn't want people in Japan to start figuring it out before our loved ones in the States new about it.  Plus, Kevin and I are are WAY TOO EXCITED TO KEEP THIS IN!  So we just ask that you will pray for us and our lil' bean.  We know it's early, but if something happens we would really want and need the love and support of our friends and family.  Somedays I worry and start to fear about telling people so early because of what could go wrong.  However, a very dear friend of ours reminded me that you can always find a reason to worry, but we need to praise God for what we have right now.  And right now, I am pregnant and I will praise Him for this new life that is in me today.

2013 is indeed off to a wonderful start! We are overjoyed. Overjoyed. Overjoyed. Overjoyed!!!! And we have so many reasons to be! Our families are giddy and so excited. They have been filled with tears of joy and their love is overflowing. I have a best friend, who is a nurse, and keeps tabs on me everyday.  She has been such a great support and friend. Her excitement is freeing!  I cannot even begin to explain how much she has helped me and loved me.  We have two new and very dear friends, Jill and Sam, who are filled with wisdom and God's love. They have been such a blessing to us in their short time in Japan so far.   They have two beautiful little girls that keep Kevin and I eagerly expectant. We have a lovely Doctor who prays for us often and is very relaxed and calm.  We are simply overjoyed.

Let's Get Married... (sing it like Jagged Edge)

So.... I got married!  Wahoo!  There is so much I want to write about.  So much I want to say about our big day and all the leading up to it.  I want write about our sweet family and all they sacrificed to make our day possible, and I want to write about our wedding party and their selfless love they poured out to us.  I want to write about or friends and family who came to support us... friends from high school, from our childhood, from Arizona, California, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Indiana, Ohio, Wisconsin, Maryland.... all over the US and even some friends from Japan.  I want to write about our loved ones who couldn't be there, but supported us with e-mails and letters and prayers.  We are so blessed.

There is just so much that I want to write about.  Today, though, I'm going to write about our vows.

Kevin and I spent a long time thinking about what we wanted to promise each other.  We chose to go through 7 months of premarital counseling.  When I say that some people think, "Whoa... was your relationship that bad?"  Ha!  Our relationship has always been for me quite the opposite.  We have had rough patches, but I have never seen Jesus more than I have when I am with Kevin.  And that is comforting and exciting and joyous!

So... During the 7 months of counseling (which, just a small selling point, was the BEST decision I think we ever made for our marriage), the magnitude of this commitment finally hit me.  How silly was I to think I was making a promise just to Kevin.  It's so much more than that.  This was my promise to my Creator.  To the One who calls me His Beloved.  This was my promise, my covenant, to my God and my husband.

So here are our vows.  I post them, not to be showy or even for a good read.  I post them because most of the people who read this are the people I mentioned in my first paragraph.  I do want the world to know what commitment I made on that day.  I want them, you, to know because I kindly request that you hold Kevin and I accountable to them.  Even if you don't believe what we do about marriage, or God, or anything else mentioned in our vows, we still hope you love and respect us enough to hold us to them.  You don't have to believe what we do to remind us of the promises we made to God and each other on August 5, 2012.

As I marry you today, I am making a lifelong and irrevocable commitment to know and love God and to know and love you.

I promise never to stop seeking to learn how to love you better.  As in 1 Corinthians 13, I want my love for you to be patient, kind and enduring, not jealous or envious; a love that is content with what God is pleased to give us; a love which is not proud or selfish, not rude or inconsiderate; a love that is gentle with your weaknesses and seeks to point you to Christ, not me; a love that responds graciously when we have a disagreement.  Most of all, I want my love to be a love that points you to the source of all real love, our Savior Jesus Christ.

I commit myself to seek God’s help to love you with a love that absolves annoying wrongs, failures, sins or inconsistencies; a love that is glad to forgive and grieves when you are hurt or troubled or sinful; a love that reaches out to give help; to restore and uplift rather than demean, despise, expose, or condemn.

By God’s grace, I resolve to love you with a love that does not demand its own way; a love that is creatively thoughtful and looks for ways to encourage; a love that is not self-seeking, putting your needs before my own.  I promise to protect you and stay with you.  I pledge myself to a love that will know no limit to its trust, no fading of its hope; a love that will stand when all else around us has fallen.  I promise to give myself wholly to you.  I dedicate myself to finding my ultimate contentment and satisfaction in Jesus Christ and not to seek it from you or anything else.

I promise to share with you my thoughts, my dreams, my hopes, my joys, my successes, my troubles, my fears, my failures, all of my life.  More than that, I will encourage you to share yourself with me too.

I promise to keep God at the center of our marriage and give Him the glory for anything good that He does through us.  I marry you with the conviction that for me to be a good husband and for me to be a good wife, I must know, worship, and serve God.  I make these promises with the understanding that I am first committed wholeheartedly to God.  This is my commitment to God and to you as your husband and as your wife.

Bring it on 28!

So here are some crazy thoughts:

Kevin and I are putting together our home. WEIRD!  We just purchased all kinds of random items for the house including... our baby-making bed.  That was, well, weird to purchase together.  It is so weird to think that in less than 3 months I am going to live with a boy.

What is even CRAZIER is thinking that I could be pregnant in the next year.  I have NEVER thought of any of this before.  I guess I have been so caught up in the "honeymoon" stage of engagement that these thoughts never crossed my mind... until now.

Though I am 28, I get short of breath just thinking about the fact that I could have a baby relatively soon in my life.  Yikes.  Now, I would love to have children one day, but the thought that, that day may be soon... wow... well it leaves me a lil' dizzy.

Lets be clear though, the world knows we are waiting until August 5th. So don't get any ideas =)  I'm just sayin'.

So lets rewind a bit and talk about another crazy thing that will happen.  I'M GETTING MARRIED!  WHAT!?!?!?!

When I was a little girl, I honestly daydreamed about this day.  I even have to admit that in junior high, my friends and I cut up wedding magazines and made a journal of what we wanted our weddings to be like when it finally happened to us.  The dress I chose back then is hideous!  It is so gaudy and it has a train that is as long as the aisle you walk down.

Thank God that reality is so much better than my dreams.  I don't even know how to put into words how excited I am to marry Kevin.  I honestly cannot describe it.

People have been asking me lately if I am ready to get married.  How do I answer that?  Is anyone ever ready?  Am I?  I'll tell you what I know.  I know that I am still selfish.  I know that at times I still seek my own ways.  I know that I am stubborn.  I know that I have learned to fight and stand my ground in life because at one time, those characteristics were very crucial and necessary.  I know I am slightly a perfectionist.  I don't see the point in doing something unless you are going to do it right and do it the best way possible.

I also know I am in love with a man who makes me want to die to myself.  He loves in such a compassionate way that I don't want to seek my own way; I want to look out for him.  He shows me a whole different side of love that makes me want to surrender my stubborn pride because loving him is so much better than being right or getting my way.

So am I ready to get married?  The answer is probably no.  I'm not ready because of all the reasons I mentioned earlier.  But when you put Kevin into the equation, the whole scenario changes.  Am I ready to marry Kevin?  HECK YES!  I am ready to marry Kevin because Kevin is the most courageous, selfless, pure-hearted, Christ-led man that I have ever met, and he inspires me to love in ways I have never known before.

I'm getting married folks!  Mark your calendars and bring your dancin' shoes because we're gonna celebrate!